Hey, my dudes! I’m back with another article no one asked for. As you can tell from the title and my lack of homework to turn in, I am very lazy.
This laziness counteracts with a lot of things in my life, primarily the cleaning aspect, which makes no sense to me. I literally sit in one spot on my bed for hours on end and all of a sudden my room looks like the personified version of a dirty sock lying on top of a sticky Mountain Dew bottle. Now with the release of the show, Tidying up with Marie Kondo, (Another Netflix show, shocker right? Rebecca’s writing about another show *Gasp*) I realized many things. I will list those things for you now.
I am the queen of procrastination.
I will 100% never get to meet Chris Evans and, like, what’s even the point anymore?
I hate disappointing people.
I hate disappointing people who don’t even know me.
Marie Kondo is a legend.
I do not want to disappoint Marie Kondo.
Now with this newfound appreciation, I bring to you a guide on how to do basic adult things when you have the attention span of a goldfish. (All written while I stall getting my clothes out of the dryer):
*I should add that my methods of cleaning might not work for you; this is all a mashup of what I’ve learned during my 15 years of life and two days of binge-watching Marie Kondo tidying everyone’s life back together.
I should give you an overview of what’s about to go down. Usually, It goes:
Personal items/School stuff
Get you’re cleaning playlists ready and your gloves on…
Clothes you leave lying on your floor because you can’t decide which outfit you feel like wearing today
Go around and pick up all you’re dirty clothes or clothes that surround your floor, if needed you can separate colors and unfold them. You can also head to your bathroom and grab any towels or stray socks that are always left there for some reason. In addition to my dirty clothes, I like to wash my bedding. So any throw blankets, pillows, and sheets get thrown in. Please for the love of cheese wash your bedding first, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to stay up till 2 am because my blankets hadn’t dried yet.
*Did you know that a dirty pillowcase can cause acne because of all the stray bacteria? Keep that pillow clean my dudes!*
Trash thrown away keeps the, uh, mice away?? I don’t know where I was going with that but…
I have the tendency to try to dunk my trash in the trash can from my bed, (See “I am very lazy”), so you can imagine the 2 ft radius around the mini trash can I have in my room. I grab a big trash can and get to cleaning. Water bottles, soda bottles, and empty bags of chips and disappointments are the main clutter I have so this step doesn’t take long. If you have bigger furniture it’s probably best to get rid of the excess trash there as well. I would use Marie Kondo’s method and do the whole, “Does this thing spark joy?”, and if not throw it away. I replace the small bag in my trash can and set the big bag in the hall to take out with the others later on. It’s also important to pick up any bigger crumbs or things that are too big to be vacuumed. I once tried to vacuum a thumbtack which, in hindsight, was probably not my brightest moment.
The Furniture *Dundunduuunnnn*
I am very indecisive. Change is literally my middle name and I get bored very easily. So now with a naked bed and clean floors is the time where I think about the purpose of life and whether or not my bookshelf would look better facing the other way. This, I’d say, is the time where you can get as creative as you want. Rearrange your books or change the pictures on your wall. You can also dust off things while you’re at it. Once you’re done with that, you’re done with quite possibly the 2nd easiest portion of this article. However, do not get too comfortable because we will return very soon.
Dirty dishes physically hurt me inside
Now I don’t know about you, but I have chores and responsibilities around my house. My responsibility just so happens to be the kitchen. I’ve been brainwashed and conditioned to have the kitchen clean and if it’s not I will have an aneurysm. I like to start by taking a deep breath because Lord knows I need patience. Turn on the water to the hottest it can go so it can wash off any residue left on the dishes. I travel around the house, room to room looking for stray cups and forks to throw with the rest. I like to think of this part as a challenge, “How fast can Rebecca get those dishes before the sink overflows”. It does not make it fun in any way, if anything it makes this 110% more stressful but hey I get it done right? Once you’re ABSOLUTELY SURE you have everything you can start. Please please please remember to switch the water to a warm setting before sticking your hands straight under it. I know from experience that it does not feel nice to have the first layer of your hands boil off. There are no rules after this, but I do wash my dishes in a specific order just out of preference.
the sink and rims
*Tip that came from my wonderful mother* If you want the sink to smell nice, you can cut up a lemon and dump it in the disposal. When it’s sufficiently ground, it should leave a wonderful citrus scent. With the remaining lemon, you can put it in a small, microwave safe container filled with water and pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Once a nice steam has accumulated you can easily wipe the sides for a quick clean.
Counting the counters because I’m getting tired of cleaning and I’m not close to being done…
Once the dishes are clean and I can breathe again, I start on the counters. My family tends to have the habit of pulling out the toaster and coffee maker from their places and not putting them back. So I push them back with a small smile of rage and fire burning in my eyes. (Another pet peeve is the peanut butter and milk. Like?? Rinse it off, please) Then I get to re-stack the bread, (Because my family loves carbs), and start wiping. Any surface that could possibly come into contact with my cat needs to be wiped with boiling water and soap (Disinfectant if it’s safe). You can also take out the trash and do a quick sweep. And with that, our kitchen extravaganza has come to its end…
The Living Room:
Ah yes, the living room. The second place that makes me want to cry every-time I see it. (School being the first) From the countless toys scattered around the floor, to the shredded paper courtesy of my cat. Start picking up any stray items around the floor, with my sisters toys I throw them in her room and have her deal with her own mess. Again, make sure any trash that is too big to be vacuumed is picked up and thrown away.
The monster that terrorizes my dog…
The Vacuum. You have not seen fear until you’ve seen it in the eyes of my tiny terrier mix. Legend says if you look close enough, you can see her life flashing before her eyes. Before starting the vacuum, I start by spreading around a carpet deodorizer around the house. I like to use this one by arm and hammer just because they offer a lot of really nice scents that aren’t too overpowering but cover up any smells as needed.
Once the 15 minutes are up, I start vacuuming. A thorough vacuuming session should last anywhere from 15-25 minutes so prepare yourself for quite the arm workout. Once the living room floor is clean you can slowly creep your way around the house. (Usually it’s just my room and the hallways but you can do it wherever). At this point you can start doing little spot cleans around the living room. Fix misplaced couch pillows, wipe any coffee tables, fold any blankets, and re organize any shoes left by the door. At the end of this, your living room should look spotless and beautiful.
Quite possibly the worst part of the entire house to clean, for me at least. Just thinking of all the germs that are in that little room freaks me out. (And I’m not that big of a germaphobe it’s just disgusting to think about)
The easiest part, really. You want to make sure to set aside your toothbrushes and clutter so you don’t get any cleaning spray on them. Just, go crazy with the spray. Get it on the counter, drawer handles and sink faucet and start wiping. You can also grab those old newspapers that have been lying in the mailbox and use it to wipe down any mirrors. It sounds really weird but it works! Just spray a ton of water all over the mirror and wipe down with the newspaper and you’ll be left with a mirror so shiny that you can see your pores.
The toilet area 😣
Aka: the part I hate the most for obvious reasons. You can start off by clearing the area around it. Dump any trash and refill the toilet paper roll. Then lift the toilet seat up with a gloved finger and start spraying like crazy and quickly wipe with a separate cleaning rag. Once that torture is over, I put a toilet cleaning powder inside the bowl and leave it to soak for 15 minutes. Since we already put the bathmats and towels to wash earlier, the floor should be bare and ready to mop. I like to just quickly mop around with fabuloso diluted with water (which leaves a nice smell) Once the floor is sufficiently clean, I leave to throw the trash bags away. Now with our cleaning adventures coming to an end I bring you…
This is the point where I have lost all motivation, so I just like to end it on a nice and final note. I like clearing out my folders and any stray papers lingering in my backpack. I make 3 separate piles: The To-Do pile, the Done pile, and the trash pile. It’s pretty self explanatory after that, throw away the trash piles, put away the done pile and put aside the to-do pile (Which I 100% never do anyways so who am I kidding, I put it away.) You could go around and clear up any cutter around the room that was left behind. If your laundry was done before your bedding you can start folding or hanging anything as necessary. You’re bedding should be completely done at this point so you can grab that and make your bed really quickly and you’re finally done! With your house spotless and amazing, you can finally relax. Pull open YouTube and grab a bunch of snacks and chill out for a few hours, you deserve it.
(If you’ve made it this far, I am very sorry.)
All images within the article are from Pexels.