The best dieting tips from ME!

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Cathiey Dareee Bakering, Chicken feeder for my ducks

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Everyone wants to be skinny, but how do you do it fast? Here are my favorite dieting tips from when I was younger, like, two years old.

  1. Only wear clothes that make you look like fat so you think you have more, like, weight to lose.
  2. Don’t eat the whole bag of like cheerios your mom brings to you at your weight loss class.
  3. Do Jazzersize, it’s trendy, good for like you, and makes you smarter too!
  4. Eat soap so your stomach is like totes clean.
  5. Click on like, every ad on your phone that advertises weight loss.
  6. If someone emails you for money, send them money!
  7. Turn up the heat so it’s really hot, you want to sweat. So you’re like totes sweaty and like covered in sweat. Like all over.
  8. Make sure you never exercise; it’s bad for you. Like don’t do it. Like ever because like it’s just ew.
  9. Only eat things that are completely green. Like veggies, fruits, and soap.
  10. Organically organize your pantry. Like don’t like put like crap in front like, ya. Serious.
  11. Don’t ever eat bread. Like, one piece of like, one bread is like, eating like, a horse. Like just don’t girl!
  12. Don’t like, go outside. The sun makes you fat because like, photosynthesis like, gives you like, food. Because the sun like, hates us.
  13. Get a weight loss fairy. Yes, they’re real. They hide your donuts so you will eat kale. They’re amazing. Mine’s named Zoodles.
  14. Have a chocolate milk cow puke on your stomach. This makes your stomach retreat in fear and disgust.
  15. The last tip is my favorite and the mostest dangerest. Go sacrifice your favorite stuffed animal to Aphrodite. She will feel your pity and grant you beauty.

Thanks everyone for reading. Catch me on the beauty train. Cathiey up and out!

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